i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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