yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
