i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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