life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Everything about him screamed your future.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
