then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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