i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
