I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
