Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
