your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
