Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
