So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
