She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
