Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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