WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
