oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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