I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You dont lie about slip and slides
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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