i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
