every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
