somebody snuck up and got me drunk
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
