she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
