talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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