she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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