She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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