I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
