some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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