you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
