How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
