my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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