I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
