My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
