I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
