My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
