pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
