I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
