it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
