Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
