I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
