take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
