Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
