You can't motorboat a personality
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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