I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
