I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
