I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
