Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
sarcasm needs its own font
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
