come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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