Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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