If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
