ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
