I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
