I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
