So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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