Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
