K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
